Soo, should I call a doctor or are those just your mechanics?
Carlos Marmol is the worst. The Cubs just won their first game of the season, Samarmammoth looked great, Rizzo hit a homer (his first of the 200 that he will certainly hit this year), and the defense looked sharp despite Brent Lillibridge's presence. And yet, all anybody is talking about is that asshole up there in the picture.
He was given the ball in a 9th inning save situation, which yes, we're still apparently doing. He lasted a third of an inning with a walk, a hit batter, and a run given up. Thankfully at this point he was taken out to make way for 2 men in James Russell and Kyuji Fujikawa who know what they're doing, but the damage was done. Carlos Marmol, with his epileptic delivery, infantile pitch location, shaky confidence, and 9.8 million dollar contract, has solidified himself as untradeable. Who would want him? Maybe if we offer to pay $9.7 million of his salary we could convince the Astros to take him in exchange for one of our wins. Unfortunately that won't happen, because a) you can't trade wins you dummy, and b) no amount of free wins would make up for having a human blown save on your roster.
So that raises the question: what do we do with him? I had about 10 minutes before I had to go to work today but in that short amount of time I came up with a handful of ideas:
1) Dress him in a Cardinals uniform and leave without him after our first series in St. Louis.
2) Set him on fire.
This is the end of the post.
1) Dress him in a Cardinals uniform and leave without him after our first series in St. Louis.
2) Set him on fire.
This is the end of the post.
