HELLO, BOYS

Big Quaid Energy

*cracks knuckles*

Alright. It's been 11 years since my last post, so obviously we have some catching up to do. First of all, let's just rip this band-aid right off: I no longer particularly care about the Cubs. Or baseball. Or sports. Or essentially anything else that I cared about back in 2013, save for maybe Jeopardy. 

Now that's not to say I actively dislike the Cubs or baseball or sports (though I admit I do still carry an irrational, seething hatred towards Carlos Marmol). I still like all of those things, I just don't care about them the way I used to. My emotional state no longer hinges on the Cubs' win-loss record, players' names and stats are relegated to the deeper recesses of my brain, and the little money I'm able to make is generally put to better use than getting dumped into a bottomless pit of Cubs memorabilia, tickets, and Old Style. Of course, I still spend my money in seemingly bizarre ways- just not on the Cubs. For instance, I recently spent $200 to enroll in a master's certification course titled "History, Law, and Politics of UFO/UAP." More on that some other time, probably.

In other words, I'm weird now. At least my 2013 self would probably say so but let's be honest, that guy was a disaster. He smoked cigarettes in the house, routinely slept until 2:00 in the afternoon, and considered a nice haircut to be the single biggest indicator of success imaginable. Not exactly a role model. 

And so here I am, a completely new person both figuratively and literally (at least in the sense that the cellular structure of the human body completely replaces itself every 7-10 years, according to an AI I just talked to named "Claude"). But despite all this "new-ness" I've chosen, inexplicably, to reach into my past and revive a goofy Cubs blog devoted to the worship of a stranger's calf muscles. Why am I doing this? And more importantly, who gives a shit? 

The answer to both questions is: I have no idea, and frankly it doesn't really matter. But 11 years ago, when I last posted on this blog, I was (unbeknownst to myself) standing on the precipice of what would evolve into a serious bout of long-term depression; one that I'm still grappling with today. At the time I had just finished dropping out of college and had embarked on a slow, insidious spiral into both alcoholism and social isolation. Then, 1 year and 3 weeks after my last Mark Prior's Calves post in April 2013, my dad died suddenly AND my house set on fire. When it rains, it pours. And hey, if that was too heavy don't worry, this is still a comedy blog. But after all, comedy = tragedy + time, so unfortunately you're going to have to deal with bombshells like that every so often. Besides, it's good to feel stuff. That's a lesson I'm still trying to learn. 

My photo editing has improved exactly zero percent

So here I am now, in 2024, and my descending spiral down the toilet bowl of depression and social anxiety continues in earnest. I neither need nor want sympathy, I have plenty of wonderful things happening in my life. I have a girlfriend who does her best to manage my insanity, a loving and forgiving family, infuriatingly cute dogs, I went back to school and finished my degree, and I even believe in [my own version of] God now. So on paper, things have improved considerably. So wtf is my brain's problem? 

Well, that's another question I don't have the answer to. But one thing I do know is that writing is one of the most powerful ways to combat depression, and from what I remember this blog made me genuinely happy so I've decided to fire it back up again. And with that, I may as well recalibrate your expectations as a reader, SO...

THINGS TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG

Henceforth, this place is going to be one of general creative expression. Since breaking up with the Cubs my perspective has expanded to include a wide array of different interests. Here's a short list of some of those interests, and a general snapshot of what you might expect to find on this blog moving forward: 

• Philosophy
• Psychology
• Weird recipes
• Crude photoshops
• History
• UFOs and the implications of their existence on society, especially via a psychological lens (and if you aren't onboard with this topic yet I think you'll still appreciate my thoughts on it. By that I mean I'm a pragmatist, not a fanatic. Plus, they're fun!)
• Book reports 
• Nudes

Hell, I might even post about the Cubs from time to time. Fun fact, during the year or so that I ran this blog their win percentage was around .375, but since my last post on this blog they've gone 878-812 (.520). So, was my writing the catalyst for over a decade's worth of success, including their first World Series win in over 100 years? Yes. Yes it was.

Glad to be back.