Recap: 4/22 Cubs vs. Reds

Don't worry, Starlin is fine. 

Starlin Castro, seen here committing a batting error

Randy Wells actually pitched pretty sorta alright. He gave up two runs in five innings of work, though he did also walk five so it's not like he didn't at least put forth a solid effort to suck. Commendable, Randy.

The real story here is Starlin Castro. He was hit by a pitch in the 7th and went to the ground, causing 375 massive coronaries in the greater Chicago region in a matter of seconds. It's cool though, he was able to take his base unassisted and even hit a triple in the 9th, an act which resuscitated 374 of the 375 victims who had flatlined when he went down. On that note, our hearts and prayers go out to Larry McBraskey and his family. You almost made it, big guy. 

Speaking of Starlin he didn't commit any fielding errors today, which means he is now on pace for a measly 71 on the season. STOP HOGGING ALL THE ERRORS, GEOVANY SOTO*.

*Geovany Soto had both of the Cubs' two errors today, and effectively cost us the game. Remember Paul Bako, guys? He was good.

Recap: Cubs vs. Reds 4/21...CUBS WIN!

Well smack my face. Paul Maholm stepped it up. Figures, I waste all this energy putting forth a wave of hate at him in an attempt to establish some kind of an identity for the blog and the bastard goes and puts together a great start. Here's the line:

6.0 IP, 4 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 5 K

Asshole. 

I can't really provide a review today because after Pauly gave up that first run in the opening inning I decided a nap would be a better use of my time. Lesson learned. In the meantime: ma-halo, Maholm. I suggest you keep up the good work because I really enjoy hating you so if this doesn't last all season you can BET your ASS that I will be ALL UP ON YOUR STUFF and junk, and you aren't going to LIKE IT! 

Because nobody likes a cyber bully.

*By the way: I don't want to get anybody too excited this early in the season, but Starlin Castro notched 2 more errors today and is on pace for 76 this year, which hasn't happened since your great-great-grandmother was alive. And probably hot, too. REACH FOR THE STARS KIDDO!

Recap: 4/20 Cubs vs. Reds

Chris Volstad playing baseball

Did you know Chris Volstad's ERA so far is 6.19? Yeah, I thought it was higher too. Seems like every time the Cubs reach his turn in the rotation they're four runs behind before anybody gets a chance to sing the National Anthem. Not that I'm complaining. As long as he can get through every game without his right arm catching on fire he's done his job.

The defense is a different story. Starlin Castro, Marlon Byrd, and Bryan LaHair all committed errors today. Watching Castro kick around ground balls hit directly at him for a little while before he throws them straight into the ground is fun, but at a certain point it has to stop. Byrd's batting average is approaching absolute zero this year, so he can ill afford to let his defense fall off. As for you, TheHair...I'm disappointed in you. I have loved him since Spring Training last year, and he...you know what, whatever I'll love him regardless. Boot all the grounders you want, Bryan, just make sure you keep following them up with doubles off the ivy.

Despite the overall shittiness of this game what with the errors, the weather, Chris Volstad's slider, and a guy named Homer beating us...we still scored four runs. I'm thinking that over the course of this season a four-run game will end up being a positive for us pretty much every time it happens. Gooooo REBUILD!