LOL WTF
I'm having a lot of trouble deciding where to start with this, so allow me to just get something out of my system real quick.
(*deep breath*)
HOLYSHITCAMPANAISGOODANDSHARKTHREWSTRIKESANDTHEUMPIRESSUCKBUTINAGOODWAYANDMIKEMATHENYGOTTHROWNOUTANDITWASAWESOMEDIDIMENTIONCAMPANAHESSOGOODANDTHEHAIRANDRAFAELFURCALSUCKSTOOANDIACTUALLYFORGOTHOWMUCHIHATECARLOSMARMOLBECAUSE
THATSHOWGREATTHISGAMEWAS.
(*rips hit of inhaler*)
Okay. That's better. Let's start with Shark. He pitched a fantastic game. He took a 1-0 lead through 7.2 in under 100 pitches, had 9 Ks, and was throwing strikes at a ridiculous rate. Then Sveum inexplicably took him out, perhaps because he was worried if he kept pitching like that he'd end up injuring himself after the game while having sex with every girl in the stadium. That move paved the way for our bullpen to do what it does best, which is to take out a gun and shoot every good outing from starting pitchers right in its face.
Sveum (again, inexplicably) put in Marmol with two outs in the 8th and a one-run lead to try and lo-haha...sorry, to try and lock u-haha!!...sorry, it's just hard to say. Here goes: to try and lockupatwoinningsaveBAHAHAHAHA!!! I mean even getting a one-inning save is an adventure for Carlos, so why Sveum continues to think he can pull off a twofer is beyond me. Marmol, eager to show his manager some appreciation for sticking with him, managed to throw four whole pitches before serving up a hanging slider to Matt Holliday, who politely removed it from the stadium in the form of a two-run homer.
Game over, right? WRONG, IDIOT.
Stop assuming stuff, you ass!
You know why? Because Bryan TheHair, that's why. He led off with a solo shot in the ninth to tie the game up at 2 and send it to extras. Then in the 10th, Tony fucking Campana came up.
Not even a little ashamed of this picture
Campana managed to get on base, which means he's obviously going to steal because he doesn't give a shit. I like to think that he knows he's only going to be in Chicago until Brett Jackson is deemed ready, so he's just decided to fuck bitches while he's here. Campana stole second even though he didn't (he was absolutely out but the umpire blew the call), and then scored easily on an Alfonso Soriano single. Soriano got the Gatorade bath tonight, but if anybody deserved it (besides TheHair, Shark, or that umpire) it's Campanarama.
After all that, the Cubs are now up to a win percentage of .333 and have officially won their first series of the year. Needless to be said, playoff tickets are flying off the shelves.
*Side note: Just for fun, I kept a running tally of Tony Campana's impact on the game. Here was the result:
Tony Campana is bad: 2
Tony Campana is good: 8
I didn't keep track of the context of my tallies, so I can't really explain the results. However, with an .800 "good" percentage I'm pretty sure he's in the running for MVP.
**Second side note: I'd just like to point out that in my preview post I suggested a lineup for tonight consisting entirely of Tony Campana, TheHair, and Shark...all three heroes of the night. Does that make me a psychic baseball genius magician? Yes, yes it doe—wait, what? I put Joe Mather on there too? Oh for fucks sake, fine, never mind.
