It's Randy Wells time bitches!
Look at this fucking guy
While firefighters continue to battle the raging grease fire ravaging the insides of Ryan Dempster's right quadricep, somebody has to pitch for him. Enter Wells; former Chicago Cubs Decent Starting Pitcher, current Iowa Cubs Professional Punching Bag. Hard to believe that just three years ago Wells went 12-10 with a 3.05 ERA in the majors when so far in 2012 he is sporting a robust 9.42 through three AAA starts. With that said it's also hard to believe that he's the one we've decided to call up to take Dempster's spot starts and not, say, your grandfather.
But I don't make the decisions, which means Randy Wells will start tomorrow in game three of the series and you fans are going to fucking like it. He is 4-1 against the Reds in his career, so that's something. But you know what else is something? Genocide. So be careful with that stat.
The Reds will counter with 26 year old Johnny Cueto, who has cool dreadlocks and will almost certainly throw a perfect game.
You heard it here first.
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